Every night, sometime around midnight, I instinctively sit down at the computer to write a blog post. Even when I don't have much to say. Like tonight.
I've been thinking a lot about what happened yesterday afternoon, a period of about fifteen seconds in which I managed to make myself feel more foolish than I have in quite some time. I feel stupid for saying what I said but I don't regret it. I think that in some perverse way I'm enjoying feeling empty and hopeless. It's not like I'm taking pleasure in being miserable or anything but feeling this way is simultaneously uncomfortable and yet comfortably familiar.
If I try to think about the future, it all seems very murky. Ten years from now or even just ten days, I can't see where I'll be. I don't even know where I want to be. I feel so disconnected - it's almost like I'm just observing life while others around me are living it.
2 comments:
babe,
if it's any consolation i feel like i'm in a bubble today, watching the world but not part of it.
sorry things went badly with that girl but she's not worth worrying about.and well done on getting the guts to ask.
have you seen either of the movies i talked about? if you did, what did you think?
oh and you know what they say about good writers?
they write whether they feel like it or not, whether they're turning out something good, or not.
thats what youre doing, so keep it up.
you know, i'm rationing my net use right now but it's you i read everyday. i risk life and limb with the boss to use the work computer and check out what you have to say.
love
k
G'day,
I just stopped by to see how you're going. Like kylie I have to ration my internet use. Helen has been using it for homework assignments.
See you later ,
Mark.
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