I mentioned a few days ago that I recently signed myself up for internet dating. After using the dating site for a week or so I'm still not really sure what to make of it. I've had a few people express interest in me and I've expressed interest in a few people so it hasn't been a complete waste of time so far. I've exchanged e-mail addresses with a couple of people and we've chatted a little on msn but after seemingly hitting it off the communication has stopped suddenly. With no explanation. It wouldn't bother me so much if it had just happened once. Or maybe even twice. But it's happened three times with three different people.
The pessimist in me (which, I will concede, is a big part of me) explains this quite simply: I'm unattractive. On my profile I have posted a picture of me at my cousin's wedding, all dressed up in a suit and tie. I don't look too bad; one girl even commented that she thought I was good-looking. But I don't agree. And it makes sense to me that while people might see my profile picture and initially be interested, once they find me on Facebook and have a look at a few more pictures they change their mind.
I know this opens a whole psychological can of worms about my self-esteem and self-image but I don't really want to address that right now. But I will say that the above thought-process is representative of the way my brain has worked for at least the last decade or so.
What can I do about that? Is it just in my head; is it just a coincidence? Or could I possibly be perceiving things correctly? And if that really is what's happening, what should I do to stop it from happening? I know not everyone is shallow and superficial but I think a lot of my shyness and feelings of inadequacy stem from the belief that I'm unattractive and that belief is reinforced, rightly or wrongly, almost by default when I am rejected or ignored by someone. On the odd occasion when someone does tell me they think I'm attractive, I somehow find a way to receive it as an insult. Don't ask me how. Usually I just tell myself the person who complimented me was simply being polite and didn't really mean what they said. Or that they were being sarcastic. However it happens, I find a way to explain away whatever has been said; I don't take compliments very well - about my appearance or anything else. What I don't grasp is why I do that.
On re-reading tonight's post, I think I've answered my own question: a lot of this stuff does indeed seem to be in my own head.
3 comments:
Oh my sweet pessimistic internet friend, you are still so young. I have a nephew that is about to be 25 (in August) he has never gone to college, he lives at home with his parents. He has a crappy job and no ambition. He doesn't even worry about his future, and here you are on the other side of the globe drowining in it. I wish I was there so that I could slap you around a bit and then give you a great big hug afterwards. I certainly hope you did not speak negativly about yourself to those three girls you communicated with. Negativity is a major turn off. I'm not trying to sound hard or callous, but have you considered phyciatry or perhaps the drug Welbutrin? Maybe a simple antidepressant might help you feel better about yourself, and then something good might happen and your life would turn around. I just don't know. I wish I knew the answer, my dear. And I wish I could help you. You worry me. You worry me and I have never even met you. I have never even laid eyes upon you and still I am concerned for you. Your words that you have typed on this blog has caused that. You have been able to connect with someone thousands of miles away with just words. Don't you think that is a powerful and wonderful thing? You really do have so much to give, you have so much compassion and intelligence. I guess I'm just going to have to get on a plane and fly over there and hit you in the head with a frying pan in order to make you see this. (HA HA) Yes, violence would really solve the problems of the world wouldn't it. But seriously, my heart aches for you. And I can only wish you good luck in your search for yourself.
i can pretty quickly tell you if you're a looker or not....post a photo!
bad self talk is a self fulfilling prophecy my dear. STOP IT
♥
Muser, turn your thoughts to something positive.
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