As a bit of a postscript to what I wrote yesterday, I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to sound so whiny. I realise I have a negative attitude and quite a pervasively pessimistic one at that but I often forget I'm seeing things from such a distorted perspective. I don't want people to think I believe I'm a victim and I believe the world owes me a favour because that's not what think at all. I was talking with someone about this very subject a few days ago. There are a lot of people who do behave that way, with a chip on their shoulder because they feel they've got a raw deal in life; the belief that the world somehow owes them is used to justify behaving like a spoiled child. I'm sure most people know at least one or two people like this.
I just don't want to come across as one of those people. I don't think I've been hard done by and I don't think the world owes me a favour. I do, however, feel a sense of disconnection (there's that word again) that I find hard to explain. It's like I'm broken beyond repair; even though I know I need to do it, I feel like I'm powerless to improve myself. It seems pointless to try and for that reason I don't try - it's like nothing I do matters. I've taken to looking for distractions, for anything that will momentarily take my mind off what seems an impossible situation. But it's getting harder and harder to remain distracted.
This morning I spoke with a friend over the phone. She's known me for a long time and understands that I feel stuck. I don't really let on exactly how stuck I feel - I usually make light of the situation because I don't want to burden her or anyone else with what I'm feeling - but she knows I'm not happy. We talked for quite a while and I hung up the phone feeling pretty good about things. That meant today wasn't completely wasted as it motivated me to do something constructive. Hopefully I can build on that tomorrow.
2 comments:
i know you've said before that you feel disconnected but it suddenly struck a different bit of my brain or something and i have a new way of thinking about it.
last time i was at the chiropractor she told me that she would expect that i had been feeling foggy or disconnected. i'm not sure if i can feel the difference this time but i'm definitely less tired. anyway, the point is that chiropractic can alter your view of the world and yourself and always for the better. you could give it a try.
i'm serious, what can you lose? well, there's the money, i know but if you can see your way clear....
♥
I think you should go sky diving. It gives one a whole new perspective to the world. Literally. What ever you choose, I hope that you eventually find your way to POSITIVITY!!!!!!
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